ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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