we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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