You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
