apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
