I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
