Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize