Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
