oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
