Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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