I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
