her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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