it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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