Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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