if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize