wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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