he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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