i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Vodka?
Forever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
