a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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