Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
