I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
