I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
