Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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