Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
