There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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