I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
