I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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