What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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