I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
