We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
