i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
