last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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