id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
