Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
