I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
