Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
