i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
