Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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