is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
