I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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