I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
