My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
