This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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