She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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