ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
