I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
