I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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