First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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