I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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