worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
