No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize