Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
