I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
