I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
