Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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