dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
