I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
