Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
