Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
