I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
