I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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