Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
