he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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