Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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