How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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