Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
