Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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