bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
