i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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