Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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