Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
