So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
