just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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