Farmville is her only friend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
