Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My vagina is very pro this idea
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
