It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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