Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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