I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
