i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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