I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
