I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So much rum. So many feels.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
