I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
