I must be too annoying 4 u.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
