She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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