We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
