im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
