and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
