I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it glows. i had to have it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize