I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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