fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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