OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
grandma shit on top of the toilet
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
