she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
