She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
