these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
