my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
