Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize