i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
