I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
